IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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Nowadays, working
people
Use synonyms
 tend to do no or a very little workout either on weekdays or on weekends. As per the studies,
exercise
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in boosting
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 health of
people
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. So ignoring physical
exercise
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 may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to health issues. In
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 world, working
people
Use synonyms
 are not keen to do any physical activity. One of the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 may be their tight working schedule.
For example
Linking Words
, today the world is full of competition and due to
this
Linking Words
, organizations these days put a lot of pressure on their employees for better performance. Out of
this
Linking Words
pressure
Add a comma
,pressure
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 staff feels so tired at the end of the day that they
Replace the word
lose
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loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 their interest to do any kind of workout. In their free
time
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, they always think to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with the family or doing rest at home. So they avoid
exercise
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 even when they are getting
time
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. Since
exercise
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 is important to keep oneself healthy, so steps should be taken to make
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 generation
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do the same.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be reduced by motivating today’s generation or by making them understand how their health can be improved by doing workouts.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Add an article
an organization
the organization
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organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 can set a gym for their employees and schedule working hours in
such
Linking Words
 a manner so that employees can get the
time
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 to use gym facilities. Local government can
also
Linking Words
 organize events
such
Linking Words
 as race, cycling etc., on weekends in order to create interest in
people
Use synonyms
, who works hard on weekdays, to involve themselves in
such
Linking Words
 physical activities. So it is true that working
people
Use synonyms
 do not get
time
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 or they are not interested in doing any
exercise
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 but
this
Linking Words
 problem can definitely be mitigated by some steps mentioned above.
Submitted by BHAWNATOMAR28 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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