IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh
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As we live in modern technology developed world, our private
information
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 is kept by some mass associations and businesses. There is a gap between If the advantages of dominance privacy have the privilege of disadvantages. At
first
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, as usage of social media and
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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are
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is
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 growing at a great rate, at the same time the individual
confidency
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confidence
 are controlled by some
goverment
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government
 and business organizations. Because if
internet
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 users are not regulated the number of
cyber
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cybercrime
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crime
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crimes
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 magnifies hugely.
For instance
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, If
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the cyber
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cyber
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cybercrime
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crime
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crimes
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committed
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is committed
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 the police officers or some other
goverment
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government
 officials may catch the perpetrator through its IP
adress
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address
 or some
information
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 obtained from several
organization
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organizations
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.
Therefore
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 it is beneficial If personal details
monitored
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are monitored
show examples
 by organizations.
Secondly
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,there are minuses to post or give private details onto
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 due to businesses that
uses
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use
show examples
information
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 for their benefit. They may manipulate people through their preferences posted on
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the
show examples
internet
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. To exemplify, If the sales managers attain some
information
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 about
product
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the product
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 preferences of users, they use
this
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 data for attracting new customers. As the
result
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,result
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 it may cause consumers to be deceived by their own secret sharing
internet
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 posts. To conclude,
opennes
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openness
 give us
more
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a more
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 secure place to live
however
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 it may cause
unconventional
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an unconventional
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 situation or consequences for human beings.
Submitted by skhudoyorova on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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