The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh

As we live in modern technology developed world, our private

information

is kept by some mass associations and businesses. There is a gap between If the advantages of dominance privacy have the privilege of disadvantages. At

first

, as usage of social media and

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

are

Change the verb form

show examples

growing at a great rate, at the same time the individual

confidency

Correct your spelling

confidence

are controlled by some

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

and business organizations. Because if

internet

users are not regulated the number of

cyber

Correct your spelling

cybercrime

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

magnifies hugely.

For instance

, If

Add an article

the cyber

show examples

cyber

Correct your spelling

cybercrime

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

committed

Add a missing verb

is committed

show examples

the police officers or some other

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

officials may catch the perpetrator through its IP

adress

Correct your spelling

address

or some

information

obtained from several

organization

Fix the agreement mistake

organizations

show examples

Therefore

it is beneficial If personal details

monitored

Add a missing verb

are monitored

show examples

by organizations.

Secondly

,there are minuses to post or give private details onto

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

due to businesses that

uses

Change the verb form

use

show examples

information

for their benefit. They may manipulate people through their preferences posted on

Add an article

the

show examples

internet

. To exemplify, If the sales managers attain some

information

about

product

Correct article usage

the product

show examples

preferences of users, they use

this

data for attracting new customers. As the

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

it may cause consumers to be deceived by their own secret sharing

internet

posts. To conclude,

opennes

Correct your spelling

openness

give us

Add an article

a more

show examples

secure place to live

however

it may cause

unconventional

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an unconventional

show examples

situation or consequences for human beings.

Submitted by skhudoyorova on Sat Oct 02 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

208 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages?”

The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, many people do not know their neighbour in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

The number of indigenous tribes living traditional lives in the world’s rainforests is decreasing. Within a few decades the last of these indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities. Others say that it depends on other factors. What is your opinion?