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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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Many
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that a plethora of
people
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 who have some diseases for having
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
 diet and eating more fast
foods
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is believed that
governments
Use synonyms
 force
people
Use synonyms
 to pay more taxes for these products.
According
Add the preposition
toAccording
show examples
 the nature of
humanbeing
Correct your spelling
human being
,
people
Use synonyms
 can give up when they paying enormous
prices
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goods and it is
widespread
Replace the word
widely
show examples
 thought to shape
people
Use synonyms
’s behaviour. On the one hand,
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in many countries suffering from eating fast
foods
Use synonyms
, some
people
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 think that all
people
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 have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 access
foods
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 reasonable
prices
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. Because forcing
people
Use synonyms
 to pay more
prices
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 is not fair when trying to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Besides
Linking Words
,
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their opinion,
governments
Use synonyms
 should more attention to the amount of consumption in order to give chance to
people
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 to
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
 diet.
For example
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 a friend of mine has reached 200 kg. , he continues to eat
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 from the same restaurant and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
does not mind
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the price. If our government were forced the restaurants to bring some sales limit,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 would not
attampted
Correct your spelling
attempt
attempted
 to order on a regular basis.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 thinks that
governments
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 should arrange the tax level of these products. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 there are many economical problems in many
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 and everybody choose their meals within their budget. Nobody wants to pay more when they can reach reasonable
prices
Use synonyms
 and
Linking Words
this transactions
Change the determiner
this transaction
these transactions
show examples
 can decrease the consumption of fast
foods
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
governments
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 can spend
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 higher tax
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 to supporting other
people
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 who are suffering from obesity. The most important point to support my idea is, my mother always purchasing our meals considering the
prices
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. If she see a different price of the product when comparing the past, she refused to buy.
However
Linking Words
, if someone
buy
Change the verb form
buys
show examples
this
Linking Words
 expensive product,
government
Add an article
the government
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 will be gain more. Taking
eveything
Correct your spelling
everything
 into consideration, the most common idea is forcing
people
Use synonyms
 to reject some unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
 is arranging
prices
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 with tax levels. I am totally agreeing with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Because the vital issue is economy nowadays and it can play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role to
people
Use synonyms
’s decisions.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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