Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Some
people
love games that involve life-threatening risks like sky diving and skiing are too risky and the cost of a mishap in Use synonyms
this
event is a ruined career or death. Some Linking Words
people
argue that these sports activities should be restricted. I partially agree with Use synonyms
this
statement as it poses some serious life-threatening risks.
Linking Words
To begin
, there are several professionals for whom these events are only a livelihood. Activities like Linking Words
sky diving
and skiing are not only performed for fun but Correct your spelling
skydiving
also
for military exercises, conveyance, goods delivery and other needs. Owing to these needs, banning the sport could Linking Words
cause
an adverse impact on a certain population and violate their traditional ways. Verb problem
have
For instance
, Linking Words
people
in polar regions need to practice skiing in order to survive Use synonyms
such
extreme conditions and perform their daily activities. So, we need to have certain clauses for these Linking Words
people
before forbidding sports.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, these events can be prohibited for those Linking Words
that
just play them for fun as it costs the life of a person or his career Correct pronoun usage
who
due to
a small mishap. Mishaps like Linking Words
this
cause severe bone fractures and often turn out to be fatal. One clear example to support the argument isLinking Words
,
the recent study on accidents caused Remove the comma
apply
due to
hazardous sports, where, it was noted that one in 300 visitors met with an accident and 95% of the accidents are met by unprofessional. Linking Words
Hence
, Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
that
do not have decent experience and a reason should be banned Correct pronoun usage
who
for
Change preposition
from
such
risky Linking Words
sport
.
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
To conclude
, Games like skiing and sky diving Linking Words
involves
life-threatening Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
risk
and should be banned Fix the agreement mistake
risks
for
visitors, particularly, for Change preposition
from
people
Use synonyms
that
have no valid experience. Correct pronoun usage
who
Nevertheless
, there should be no restrictions Linking Words
to
native Change preposition
on
people
for whom these events are mere livelihood.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Ensure that each point is fully developed with relevant and specific examples. The examples should be more closely integrated into the argument to strengthen the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is structured well, try to avoid repetition of phrases and enhance the clarity of ideas by providing smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the subject, considering both sides of the argument and providing a partial agreement, which reflects a mature task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer’s stance, while the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.