Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level

Many people think that

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

show examples

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

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activities

in school

besides

study

Change the noun form

studies

show examples

such

as music,paint and drama is equally required,

specially

Replace the word

especially

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early

Correct article usage

the early

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years of school. I completely agree with

this

notion ,as overall development is much required by a child ,and reasons to support my view will be ventilated in upcoming fragments.

To begin

, early age

are

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show examples

the years in which

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adolescent can enhance and sharp his abilities. These are years in which they can get to know in which field they should go or opt for the future. By involving students

into

Change preposition

show examples

such

activities

that are music or painting , can help them to become

well

Add an article

a well

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known and renowned

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

painter

Fix the agreement mistake

painters

show examples

in future. To demonstrate, many famous singers, nowadays, if we see their past , we come to know that their handwork

are

Change the verb form

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from their childhood days makes them competent as they are now.

Moreover

, childhood

are

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show examples

the

days

Fix the agreement mistake

day

show examples

of enjoyment and fun. Only doing studies

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not the way of their overall development .By doing

activities

like sports make them help to become physically strong and escape

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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from

Change preposition

apply

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the stress of their academic performance. According to a study in Cambridge

university

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University

show examples

, students who play sports are more active in study and they have low absents in school due to their good fitness than other students who are only book-worms. Hammering the

last

nail, I would like to wrap my view and pen down by writing that I

am strongly agree

Change the verb form

strongly agree

show examples

that these

activities

are really helpful in nurturing a child fully and should be there in schools.

Submitted by kverma2803 on Sat Oct 02 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
fostering
emotional intelligence
problem-solving skills
cultural awareness
curriculum
engaging
memorable
nurture
talents
core subjects
academic
professional success

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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.