IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#governments #progress #people #country
Currently, there are different points of view about which type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress
 is more essential.
Although
 states consider that economy is more important, there are those who believe that
progress
 concerning other fields
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
 attention equally. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both opinions and provide my own view on
this
 subject.
To begin
 with, the governments argue that
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 plays a significant role in the countries' development and concerns many aspects of people's lives.
In other words
, the
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 in the economical area may lead to positive consequences,
such
 as an increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of facilities and providing more workplaces.
For example
, if the states have enough money, they will probably be able to set up many buildings,
such
 as sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, malls, galleries, restaurants and so on.
Besides
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 construction of many organizations cause to the fact that there are many positions
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 become available.
On the other hand
, some people think that
progress
 should be
also
 in other areas.
Firstly
, it can concern education, which has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 development. It is often considered that literacy contributes to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 more capable and effective nation.
For instance
, in my homeland, the government provided citizens
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 opportunity to be well-educated.
As a result
, a lot of them brought benefits in different fields,
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 with science, and ending with trade.
Secondly
, technological
progress
 can
also
 have many advantages. As an example, the Internet is one of the
invention
Change to a plural noun
inventions
show examples
 that completely changed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. People can find almost any information they need and become more educationally gifted.
Moreover
, doctors can create more efficient medicines thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
particular gadgets. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
 the positive sides that economic
progress
 has, I think that there are other improvements, which should be done
also
.
Submitted by mar16.f on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: