Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent year. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

There is a growing number of overweight

children

in many countries around the world, including the United States, the United Kingdom and Australia. Over recent years,

obesity

children

has become one of the most serious global health problems. The following paragraphs will examine the main causes of childhood

obesity

and recommend some practical solutions.

Obesity

children

is caused by many factors. One of the main causes is genetic disorders passed down through generations.

Therefore

children

from these families tend to be overweight or obese (redundant).

In addition

this

obesity

children

can be influenced by bad family eating patterns or habits; these include bad food choices with high sugar and fat content

instead

of healthier options.

Furthermore

children

these days spend a lot of time watching TV or on their iPads which is causes a lack of physical activity. They end up spending more time sitting down in front of a device than engaging in physical movement or activity. To tackle

this

problem,

children

need to engage in certain activities in order to avoid being overweight or obese.

Firstly

children

should be offered healthy food options and helped to build

Correct your spelling

healthy

show examples

heathy

Correct your spelling

healthy

show examples

eating habits. Unhealthy foods; foods

such

as nuggets,

ice-cream

Correct your spelling

ice cream

show examples

, or cake should only be consumed once in a while.

Secondly

, parents as the primary

Correct your spelling

caregivers

show examples

care givers

Correct your spelling

caregivers

show examples

should be good role models at the dining table;

this

would encourage

children

to imitate healthy eating patterns.

Additionally

Add an article

the parent

a parent

show examples

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

should limit screen time based on

their

Change the word

the

show examples

ages of their

children

and set/ schedule physical activities either indoors or outdoors on a daily basis. In conclusion, childhood

obesity

is mainly caused by

consumption

Correct article usage

the consumption

show examples

of unhealthy foods. Parents should play their role in the fight against childhood

obesity

by providing their

children

nutritious food options and promoting healthy eating habits to solve

this

problem long term

Submitted by tantika.l on Tue Oct 05 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent year. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, more people than ever before drive private cars. Do you think the advantage of this development outweigh the disadvantage?

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