IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

n today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#n #world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #absence
In the present
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 environment most parents feel that it is essential for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
partners to work. It is considered by some that
off springs
Correct your spelling
offsprings
show examples
 in these
socieities
Correct your spelling
societies
 get the advantage of extra income, while there are others who think that many
children
 do not get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support from their family. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will look at both sides of the
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
 and give my opinion. On the one hand, more financial resources can provide
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
future
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young minds. It is a
well- known
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
 fact that money plays a vital role in the
developlment
Correct your spelling
development
redevelopment
 of the bright
future
 of the
children
 especially in
this
 era of inflation in the developing economies as more money can open oceans of opportunities for people and they can enhance their knowledge and skills by means of quality education and resources.
For instance
, infants in developed countries are
multi talented
Add a hyphen
multi-talented
show examples
 and highly qualified due to the fact that their parents
posess
Correct your spelling
possess
 high
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
. In short,
families
 having sound economic
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 are in a much better position to give their
children
 a good
future
.
On the other hand
,
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
 of a child is
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of family support. Undoubtedly youngsters of wealthy
families
 do not excel in academics and sports during
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 school days as
children
 in these communities are left with no assistance from their elders as
families
 find it difficult to focus on their
children
 due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time management. To illustrate, people born in rich
families
 often have poor education
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 due to which they are compelled to take a medium level of occupation in the
future
.
Finally
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 Money is an integral part of human life and it is necessary for survival and growth
however
 earning wealth should not compromise the
future
 of
children
 and it is the responsibility of parents to take good care of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 babies.
Submitted by rahat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: