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Writing Samples
Band 4

Online shopping is significantly increasing. What effect does this have people, what are the demerits and what are the job opportunities?

#effect #people #demerits #job #opportunities
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Purchasing items through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 becoming more and more popular over the years. Most people prefer to compare required things on the website and buy the best one, rather than going from one shop to another in search of
wanted
Correct article usage
a wanted
show examples
 item. Due to the rise in popularity of online shopping, people have no need for going outside anymore. Everything from daily food to rare items can be purchased online and will be delivered
at
Change preposition
to
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 your doorsteps.
This
Linking Words
, on its behalf, has slight effects on health issues among the citizens. Amount of people suffering from iron deficiency and lack of vitamin D dramatically increased over the course of 10 years. Not only popularity of online shopping causing
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
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 in
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
show examples
 health
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
it is
also
Linking Words
 leaving a lot of small businesses without profit and floating the market with
similarly
Linking Words
 designed products.
Design
Correct article usage
The design
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 of a beautiful top on the famous website could’ve
possible
Replace the word
possibly
show examples
 be stolen from a small business owner and be sold at a higher price with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 or less quality.
However
Linking Words
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in purchasing through e-commerce websites creates
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of job opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
, web developers and designers, the ones creating and maintaining the actual websites for shops.
Also
Linking Words
, there are more job places in delivery, created by
need
Add an article
the need
a need
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 for fast delivery to huge distances. To conclude, despite creating a huge workplace for IT specialists , online shopping creating a decline in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 and causing harm to small businesses.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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