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Band 4.5

Nowadays, many governments budget money for the sports industry. Why do you think governments are funding sports so heavily? Do you think this is an appropriate investment?

#governments #budget #money #sports #industry #investment
It is true that many
governments
 invest their money in the
sports
industry
.
While
 there are various reasons that the
governments
 spend their budget, it is actually a positive development because
sports
 can entertain
people
,
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 their fitness and stimulate the economy. The main cause of many nations
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in the
sports
industry
 is to strengthen the country's image by sponsoring events.
Sports
 is worldwide famous and popular, so it is the best place to promote their nation and image.
For example
, international
sports
 contests like the
world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
show examples
 or the Olympics
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 helpful for promotion because they can get immense attention through it. So when we are watching the Olympics on TV, we can see so many names of companies in the stadium.
Nevertheless
, I firmly believe that the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 budget
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
sports
industry
 has an
overall
 positive effect because
sports
 give enjoyment to
people
, help keep their health, and boost the economy.
Therefore
, when the government spends the budget on
sports
,
people
 are likely to become more interested, giving
people
 enjoyment.
Furthermore
, by providing citizens with something to entertain, they can relieve stress.
For example
,
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
show examples
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
invest
Wrong verb form
invested
show examples
 in K-baseball, which makes
people
 get into baseball games.
In addition
, they built several stadiums in Korea to encourage them
directly
Fix the infinitive
to directly
show examples
 go and watch baseball games.
This
 causes fever
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 baseball games in Korea.
To sum up
,
it is clear that
governments
 in many nations are currently investing in the
sports
industry
.
However
, it affects positively because
this
 gives citizens enjoyment, keeps their health, and stimulates the economy.
Submitted by alice1809 on

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task response
Provide a clear and specific answer to all parts of the prompt in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use transitions to connect ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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