IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many governments budget money for the sports industry. Why do you think governments are funding sports so heavily? Do you think this is an appropriate investment?

#governments #budget #money #sports #industry #investment
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It is true that many
governments
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 invest their money in the
sports
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industry
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.
While
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 there are various reasons that the
governments
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 spend their budget, it is actually a positive development because
sports
Use synonyms
 can entertain
people
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,
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 their fitness and stimulate the economy. The main cause of many nations
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
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 in the
sports
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industry
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 is to strengthen the country's image by sponsoring events.
Sports
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 is worldwide famous and popular, so it is the best place to promote their nation and image.
For example
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, international
sports
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 contests like the
world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
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 or the Olympics
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 helpful for promotion because they can get immense attention through it. So when we are watching the Olympics on TV, we can see so many names of companies in the stadium.
Nevertheless
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, I firmly believe that the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 budget
on
Change preposition
for
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 the
sports
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industry
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 has an
overall
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 positive effect because
sports
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 give enjoyment to
people
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, help keep their health, and boost the economy.
Therefore
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, when the government spends the budget on
sports
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,
people
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 are likely to become more interested, giving
people
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 enjoyment.
Furthermore
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, by providing citizens with something to entertain, they can relieve stress.
For example
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,
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
show examples
Use synonyms
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
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invest
Wrong verb form
invested
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 in K-baseball, which makes
people
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 get into baseball games.
In addition
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, they built several stadiums in Korea to encourage them
directly
Fix the infinitive
to directly
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 go and watch baseball games.
This
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 causes fever
of
Change preposition
in
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 baseball games in Korea.
To sum up
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,
it is clear that
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governments
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 in many nations are currently investing in the
sports
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industry
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.
However
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, it affects positively because
this
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 gives citizens enjoyment, keeps their health, and stimulates the economy.
Submitted by alice1809 on

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task response
Provide a clear and specific answer to all parts of the prompt in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use transitions to connect ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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