IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries especially in rich countries discuss ways to solve the problem provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#obesity #countries #support
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Obesity is a serious
problem
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 in many
countries
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 especially in rich
countries
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 discuss ways to solve the
problem
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 provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Matters related to overweight have posed a great challenge in rich
countries
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 there are solutions to
this
Linking Words
problem
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
will be discussed in the essay. Obesity has caused serious threats to peoples health ranging from young
people
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 to the old .junk food has contributed to about 99
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
problem
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 to the society with it being readily available and affordable not forgetting it is enticing and
mouth watering
Add a hyphen
mouth-watering
show examples
.A large number of
people
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 will opt out for faster foods ,
for instance
Linking Words
,over lunch break a big number of
people
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 will rush for fast food compared to healthy packed meals or a balanced diet
that is
Linking Words
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 high in terms of cost and grab a junk meal. In wealthy
countries
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 like The USA and
UK
Add a comma
,UK
show examples
people
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 are not active and they find cooking as a way of wasting time so the easiest and quick way is to rush to burger king and other
oulets
Correct your spelling
outlets
 and grab a meal remember
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 meals are not controlled and are taken in excess causing lifestyle
diseses
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diseases
disease
 which again become expensive to treat and manage.
However
Linking Words
 obesity is a disease just like any other condition that can be treated,cured and prevented,The community has not learnt the serious consequences that accompany excessive body
weight
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sensitazation
Correct your spelling
sensitization
 on the pros and cons is necessary to help save the government and
indivuduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 risks associated with excessive
weight
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.
For example
Linking Words
 with increased body
weight
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 conditions that are
reffered
Correct your spelling
referred
 to as lifestyle diseases are realised
this
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 include hypertension,diabetes among others to manage
this
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 condition a balanced healthy diet is the
first
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 requirement which is very much
achieavable
Correct your spelling
achievable
.
Finally
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,in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society "A FAT "person is
reffered
Correct your spelling
referred
offered
as
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to as
show examples
 wealthy,
this
Linking Words
 is a myth and the community should have a different perspective,note there are "SLIM"
People
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 but unhealthy excessive
weight
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 is not a sign of prestige.Government should create awareness
caimpgain
Correct your spelling
campaign
 on
this
Linking Words
 issue of
weight
Use synonyms
 in schools,hospitals and on our streets to save the masses from lifestyle diseases.
Submitted by Estherwanjohi17 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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