IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, many manufactured foods and refreshments are composed of high levels of sugar.
Hence
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, it is suggested by some that these sugary
products
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 are supposed to be made more expensive in order to encourage
people
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 to consume less sugar.
Nonetheless
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, I completely disagree with
this
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 opinion as I believe that it is a limitation to the
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people’s
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 right to choose; and there are better solutions to solve
this
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health
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 problem. To embark on, it is true that increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 will definitely seduce more
people
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 to consume less sugary
products
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. I,
however
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, do not agree with
this
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 suggestion as I firmly believe that
people
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 should be able to buy anything they want at a fair
price
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 whether those
products
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 are detrimental or good for
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people’s
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health
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.
In other words
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, it is my view that the
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people’s
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 right to choose any product to consume prevails over the fact that the
price
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 increase will solve obesity problems.
Moreover
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, there are many better solutions to tackle the said
health
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 issue. One of the many is to encourage
people
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 to do more exercises
such
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 as playing football, swimming, or running. Exercises improve
health
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. The responsible authority may do so by building more facilities;
for instance
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, public parks or stadiums. More facilities
also
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 mean that more
people
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 will exercise as they find that it can be easily accessed.
Accordingly
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, at one point where everyone does exercise, in spite of drinking sugary drinks, they would still remain fit and healthy. To conclude, as the issue of obesity has become a concerning
health
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 problem, increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 is opposed by some
people
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 to be an effective solution.
Nevertheless
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, I personally disagree with
such
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 an idea since I am convinced that it is a restriction to the
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people’s
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 right to choose whatever they desire.
Further
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, encouraging
people
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 to exercise would be a more successful solution.
Submitted by big8392 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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