IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard

#education #employment #people #work
Owning to some reasons, few
people
 tend to put extra effort to be successful in their career or class. They impose sufficient discipline on themselves to have outcome performs compared to
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
people
.
This
 practice offers a gateway to get more salary, bonuses and can be appreciated by
people
 or can have a good grade at school, get to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent university and have a brighter future.
However
, if work so hard,
bother
Change the verb form
bothers
show examples
 diet, entertainment can exert
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on health. From
career’s
Correct article usage
a career’s
show examples
 perspective, it
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
 to perceive why
people
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
hard
Correct your spelling
hardworking
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
.
Career’
Correct your spelling
Career
show examples
 progression is one of
reasonable
Add an article
the reasonable
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
this
 practice, due to pupils have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 chance of promotions, huge waves and can be executive. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of education, children are encouraged to put extra effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 learning because of
Correct article usage
the expectation
show examples
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 of family and
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
. School and teachers
also
 appreciate well students
such
 brilliants or students who have good grades. And study harder give them a
Correct your spelling
gateway
show examples
gate way
Correct your spelling
gateway
show examples
 to top universities, where provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
 environment than others. Obviously, by performing betters students can meet their ambitions and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
marvelous
Change the spelling
marvellous
show examples
 jobs in the future.
Nonetheless
, it absolutely
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a good trend to hardworking, it not always is a good thing to put extra efforts. Outperforms can making extra efforts not only the pupils can enjoy the success at their academies, but
also
 hardworking workforce can reach the top-notch positions.
As a result
, they can live a highly admired materialistic life.
However
, overwork can lead to
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
 and psychological disorders. If
people
 over-indulged into their field and bother diet, interact with social or recreation it and
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 negative effects could be diabetes, hypertension,….A report published in the Times of India revealed that school-going children are suffering from various health hazards and have no more interested in studying because of stress due to over-study. In conclusion,
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
have various reasons to work hard to raise their profile or boost prolific productivity.
Although
 working hard is beneficial in some aspects, too much of it can result in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detrimental
Replace the word
detriment
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our physical wellbeing.
Submitted by thanh.jenny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: