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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Topic 2:Some people think employers should not care about the way their employees dress, but the quality at work. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #employers #care #employees #dress #quality #work
Many today have voiced
critisim
Correct your spelling
criticism
 about clothes should not be prioritised over work quality.
Although
 concentrate on working hard brings high productivity, it cannot justify the fact that appearance contributes to the face of companies.
Therefore
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can’t entirely agree with
this
 opinion. Rationally, those who advocate
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the quality of work is considered most by employers typically indicate significant abundances. Corporations focusing on only what to wear and shopping even in the workplace
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 care
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 progress of projects, admittedly, they solve nothing except for purchasing clothes and accessories.
As a result
, the manager is judged badly even lose a sum of money invested on,
besides
, their salary can be given as paying for
this
lost
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loss
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, even decline promotion to upgrade in a big position. Despite the justified concern mentioned earlier, I firmly believe that outfits
stands
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stand
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 up to an organisation’s
honor
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honour
show examples
 that managers
also
 care about.
For example
, meetings to
sigh
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sign
show examples
 a business contract requires employees to dress up formally, if he wears pyjamas,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 he speaks
influently
Correct your spelling
fluently
influentially
, the business partner will refuse the projects. Clothing luxuriously in special events or politely in important meetings will show the respect to business manager and keep
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 for
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
.
Besides
, even when working, their appearance
have
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has
show examples
 to be fashionable to avoid the cases that visitors come and adjust the employees and director which is topic in the newspaper online to discuss.
Thus
, outfits
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 essential to make profits and advertise
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
. In recapitulation,
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 have to balance both quality work and staff’s look. In simple words, 2 aspects will decide the success of
an organizations
Correct the article-noun agreement
an organization
organizations
show examples
.
Submitted by thanh.jenny on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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