IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that radio is the best source to get news while other think that television is better for this purpose. Discuss both views.

#people #radio #source #news #television #purpose
In
this
 digital era, individuals are highly curious to know what is happening around the world.A section of society asserts that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
wireless
Add an article
the wireless
show examples
 transmission device is the good source to aware about surroundings whereas, a few people says to understand the news deeply
audio visual
Add a hyphen
audio-visual
show examples
 aid is required.
This
 essay will analyse both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideologies in the subsequent paragraphs with my opinion.
To begin
 with, wireless has tremendous reach and frequency which benefit the people. Individuals who engross in any kind of activity can listen to it even if they are commuting to any place or working anywhere. A survey conducted by the National Broadcasting Bureau revealed that fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of radio is outside the home especially in cars. Apart from
this
, radio is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
 device so everyone can purchase it at
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
show examples
 price and making it
viable
Add an article
a viable
show examples
 choice for
common
Add an article
the common
a common
show examples
 man.
On the other hand
, there are numerous factors
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 make watching
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 on television.
Firstly
, it shows the video along with the audio. Due to it, viewers can easily memorize watched programmes for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 time . If
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 had seen the live telecast on television, I could have enjoyed
better
Correct pronoun usage
it better
show examples
.
Moreover
, human brain function in
such
 a way, it
is easily absorb
Change the verb form
easily absorbs
show examples
 the information when
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 information through multiple sensors that's why tv is popular among masses. To conclude, there could be
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 of preferring tv but overall it is
viable
Add an article
a viable
show examples
 choice in terms of convenience and
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 impression on minds.
Submitted by Shifali sharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: