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Band 4

Each year, the crime rate increases, what are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
The number of
people
 living in the world, without doubt, is increasing and
this
 results in many problems. One of the major problems is an increase in criminal
activities
 .
This
 essay will
first
 discuss the main reasons behind
this
 issue and
then
 suggest some viable suggestions that can halt
this
 growth. Inıtially, the main reason behind the growth in crime is the lack of employment opportunities. What I am trying to say is that the more
people
 become unemployed, the more they tend to involve in illegal
activities
 to meet their basic needs.
Secondly
, the number of
people
 who can not access proper
education
 is fairly high which is another main reason for the increase in
ciminal
Correct your spelling
criminal
activities
.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
 with a lack of decent
education
 are likely to involve in criminal
activities
. To illustrate, according to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
recent research conducted by TUBITAK- Science and Technology Instıtution of Turkey- the majority of crimes which is about 80% is
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 by
people
 with no high school diploma. Governments can cease
this
 rise mainly in two ways.
Firstly
, creating new job opportunities can help
people
 to obtain a decent job and earning their livelihood. Those who can meet their basic needs are unlikely to involve in any criminal
activities
. Another feasible solution would be
investment
Add an article
an investment
show examples
 in
education
. Authorities need to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the standards of not only schools but
also
 teachers.
A better
Remove the article
Better
show examples
education
 may enhance individuals' perspectives in their lives. All in all, unemployment and poor
education
 are two major reasons for the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 criminal
activities
. Once authorities can improve the
empoyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 and
education
 opportunities,
people
 will avoid participating in illegal
activities
.
Submitted by Özgür Denerel on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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