As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result. You should write at least 250 words. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#world #computers #jobs #job #positions

Several years ago, I thought I was in primary school when I have started to hear about

Computers

. that new technology comes with new dreams for many people all over the world in

General

Correct your spelling

general

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and in Cameroon

in particular

First

of all,

computers

offer a new way of business style and new job positions. Because a few years later I was seeing Secretarial offices everywhere, Cybercafe with the raising of the internet. there were new jobs offer like secretary, Web Developer, Designer and many others.

Secondly

Computers

opened new fields in many schools and universities like Computer Science, Web Development, today is possible to learn online, it

help

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helps

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us save too much time.

on the other hand

, with all that improvement no one knows that many people may lose their jobs Despite all its benefits. Today unemployment rate has

increase

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increased

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because of

automation

Correct article usage

the automation

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of many tasks. in spite of opening a

shop

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,shop

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many retailer and seller have

open

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an open

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online shop and that

make

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makes

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them save much money and time, and by the

way

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,way

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it gave

theme

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the theme

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a large audience of costumer all over the

word

Correct your spelling

world

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. So

Finally

, many job positions have been replaced by

computers

. but we have seen that

computers

can not replace human work as well in every sector.

Computers

help us to do things fast but they can't replace human workers for good. For me as Telecoms and Network Engineer it's will be difficult

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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to do without a computer today. it is better

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for

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us to

Correct your spelling

think

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thing

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think

show examples

how

Change preposition

about how

show examples

to create new jobs and increase our

activies

Correct your spelling

activities

Submitted by olga.lavenir on Sat Oct 09 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

: Some people believe government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?

Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?