IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #money #art #people #investment #services #facilities
numerous governments invest enormous money in
art
 industries. there are polarized opinions about
this
 subject and
people
 argue if as money should spend on
art
 as on other topics.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with those who think investment in
art
 is a vital matter. on the one hand, due to
Correct article usage
the increasingly
show examples
increasingly
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 growth of population all around the world, the requirement of providing
people
 with adequate facilities and equipment is inevitable. food nutrition, various types of transport, and accommodation are
such
 needs that should be addressed. some
people
 believe that
art
 in comparison with mentioned examples is less important because certain things as public transport, agriculture, and technological devices which are tangled with human's life, are prior to visual entertainment.
on the other hand
, many individuals have placed a premium on
art
also
 have taken it as a conspicuous part of life. in my opinion,
art
 is in every single moment of our lives. to clarify, our daily habits are connected to
art
.
for instance
, a plate of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 for a gathering should enjoy
beauty
Add an article
the beauty
show examples
 in order to stimulate
people
's appetite.
additionally
,
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 industry is extremely affected by the effort and money that have
spent
Add a missing verb
been spent
show examples
 on
art
 by countries. painting galleries, museums, and statues are potentially attractive for tourists and,
subsequently
, are the prime reason for travelling hundreds of tourists annually.
furthermore
, artworks are
heritage
Add an article
a heritage
show examples
 to future generations and we ought to preserve them well. to conclude, in my aspect,
art
 is as important as public services and facilities because its crucial role in human's journey on the earth is undeniable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: