MANY PEOPLE TODAY A WORRIED ABOUT YOUNG CHILDREN USING VIDEO GAMES. WHAT PROBLEMS MIGHT THESE GAMES CAUSE, FOR CHILDREN AND SOCIETY, AS A WHOLE? HOW COULD THESE PROBLEMS BE REDUCED?

#people #children #video #games #society

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

contemporary society, an increasing number of

children

have an inclination to spend their leisure time mainly on

video

games

This

can activate the advert impacts on

physical

Add an article

the physical

show examples

and mental health of the young generation. To the best of my belief, actions should be taken to halt the predictable issue. For the most part,

children

who spend a long time playing

video

games

usually experience

bad

Add an article

the bad

show examples

physical

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

. Should they not do exercise on a regular basis, teenagers may suffer from short-sightedness or obesity inasmuch as their bodies have not fully grown. Another negative effect is that the inappropriate

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

on the

internet

can be hazardous for

children

without parental guidance. Even though

video

games

are considered an attractive recreational activity, they

also

have violent, horror inspiration that can encourage young students to neglect their academic assignments. On top of that, there are a variety of actions should be taken into consideration in order to mitigate

this

phenomenon. Parents should hold the main responsibility of controlling the interaction between

children

and the

internet

community.

For instance

, a limit of time for

video

games

and other technical devices can balance the

children

’s schedule by allowing more outside activities, which is regarded as a catalyst to help their body

growth

Replace the word

grow

show examples

On the other hand

, the government should take measures to control the violent

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

Change the preposition

show examples

the

internet

and enhance cyber security. Those regulations are of paramount importance for the education of each individual child in all likelihood. In conclusion,

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation can take a host of advantages

Change the preposition

show examples

the

internet

and improve their comprehensive knowledge by connecting with their peers. In search of that,

Remove the article

apply

show examples

proper guidance from parents and the government is required essentially to protect the

children

’s wellbeing.

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
interpersonal skills
violent content
academic performance
social isolation
family dynamics
educational campaigns
parental controls
alternative activities
content ratings
cognition

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MANY PEOPLE TODAY A WORRIED ABOUT YOUNG CHILDREN USING VIDEO GAMES. WHAT PROBLEMS MIGHT THESE GAMES CAUSE, FOR CHILDREN AND SOCIETY, AS A WHOLE? HOW COULD THESE PROBLEMS BE REDUCED?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many retired people today are choosing to live in other countries. What are the advantages or disadvantages of this?

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Evil, wicked, spoiled.

Your family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school asking if they will accept your son. Describe his academic achievements and scope of interests.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?