IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some experts suppose that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
Some professionals opine that any additional increase in
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 growth of a nation
that is
 already rich does not translate to
happiness
Add an article
the happiness
show examples
 of its
people
. I totally agree with
this
 statement as there are some other issues that take away
happiness
Add an article
the happiness
show examples
 of the public, and
this
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 gun violence and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 high cost of real estate. It is not rocket science that
people
 living in wealthy
countries
 enjoy high-quality lives and a wide range of economic opportunities;
however
, there are social challenges like gun violence and drug addiction that drain
resources
Correct article usage
the resources
show examples
 of these
countries
. Those who own guns for one reason or the other may go to a shopping mall and shoot shoppers aimlessly. A good example is a country like the US where these cases are reported all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.
Increased
Add an article
The increased
show examples
 cost of real estate is
also
 a problem, which negatively affects the views of any country’s population. Even though citizens of these
countries
 have well-paying jobs, they cannot afford to buy houses because they have been driven up by wealthy individuals or foreigners with deep pockets. I do not disagree with the statement since rich
countries
 tend to be having more problems than even poor nations like drug addictions. Some
people
 are addicted to banned substances like cocaine, and most of the addicts, even those who are rich, tend to commit suicide. In summary,
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 wealth of
countries
 does not automatically make
people
 happy as there are many other social issues like gun violence and the increasing cost of properties, which make them unhappy.
Submitted by mtyree9893 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: