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Band 4.5

families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system
Some people agree with paying the educational taxes for
families
 who send their
children
 to a private
school
 and some others are not. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 paying the
tax
 for supporting
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
system
 is not mandatory for
families
 who send their sons and girls to non-public schools. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain my reasons and discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 thing that I want to say about my opinion is about
tuition
Correct article usage
the tuition
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 of private schools. In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 the cost of
this
 type of
education
centers
Fix the agreement mistake
center
show examples
 is much more than other types.
Thus
, parents
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
children
 go to
such
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these schools pay a lot of money without using
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
any governmental services.
Therefore
 they can do not pay any additional cost for supporting the state
education
system
.
for example
,
families
 who send their
children
 to a private
school
 pay the cost of the learning process of teachers who teach in that
school
 which they graduated by government
supporting
Change the form of the verb
support
show examples
.
Secondly
, when a private
school
 is opened the
ownen
Correct your spelling
owner
 of that do not use the public assets and he will expend his own money to buy and prepare the
school
's needs.
In other
words
Add a comma
,words
show examples
this
 is a type of financial activity.
Thus
, he will pay the
tax
 of his profit and his activity
then
 the
families
 who are using his services with sending their students to his
school
 must not pay any
tax
 for anything which relate to
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
system
 of
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
. According to these two reasons I
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
 with paying any taxes fo educational
system
 by
families
 who send their
children
 to a private
school
 because they pay a lot of money for buying or using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
services which are prepared by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 or other public organisations and
also
 the
tax
 of opening a private
school
 as an investing activity was
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 by
owner
Add an article
the owner
show examples
 of
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
.
Submitted by pooya2942 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: