It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

#crime #violence #media #offer #situation

Nowadays there is an upward trend in the juvenile delinquency rate. Some people say

this

is because of the flourishing in the

media

industry which sometimes contains violent content, and

such

unhealthy contexts can influence immature

children

's thoughts. In my opinion, I totally agree with

this

idea and think that it is better to have

parents

' accompanying when

children

are watching TV or using social

media

;

furthermore

, violent content on these

media

should be strictly restricted by the authority.

To begin

with, the

media

should take the greatest responsibility for juvenile crime because they spread inadequate information without categorizing their users.

As a result

such

bad information can easily be seen by

children

who are mentally immature and have less knowledge to recognize things' right and wrong.

For example

, according to the authority's research, in

Taiwan

Add a comma

,Taiwan

show examples

up to 70 per cent of students in elementary schools will imitate public figures' ways of speaking and their

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

, for just wanting to be like them.

Consequently

, some bad behaviours

such

as bullying or discriminating can happen in the school or on the internet. In order to deal

these

Change preposition

with these

show examples

problems mentioned above,

parents

' accompanying and strict censorship from the government will be important all the more.

Firstly

parents

have to spend some time watching TV or browsing websites with their

children

, taking

this

opportunity to assist them with developing the ability to tell right from wrong.

Therefore

, even

Correct your spelling

though

show examples

thought

Correct your spelling

though

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy behaviour or speaking has been exposed to the

children

, the harmful effect on them can be enormously minimized.

In addition

this

, comprehensive censorship from the government is able to effectively curb juvenile delinquency because

this

is the easiest and quickest way to thoroughly eradicate inadequate messages on all kinds of

media

. In conclusion, unhealthy content on the

media

should be blamed for encouraging

children

to commit crimes, and

Remove the article

apply

show examples

proper education from

parents

and a stringent regulation introduced by the government can ease

this

problem.

Submitted by champincloud on Mon Oct 11 2021

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The only way to improve road safety is to have stricter punishments for driving offenders.

The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend?

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?