In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it?

#countries #level #crime #crimes

As Charles

Darwins

Change to a genitive case

Darwin's

show examples

theory about evolution

suggest

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suggests

show examples

about

survival

Add an article

the survival

show examples

of the fittest. It can be observed that

people

often tend to commit

Add an article

a crime

the crime

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

in order to survive in

this

competative

Correct your spelling

competitive

world where

million

Correct your spelling

millions

show examples

people

struggle for their living.

This

rate of

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

crime

vigoriously

Correct your spelling

vigorously

increasing in many countries.As government fails to solve problems like poverty , unemployment and

illitracy

Correct your spelling

illiteracy

with the increasing population.

Increasing

Add an article

The increasing

show examples

urge of

people

to live lavish lives

also

tend

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tends

show examples

to act as fuel for

increasing

Correct article usage

the increasing

show examples

crime

rate.

Crimes

this

have become more

voilet

Correct your spelling

violent

violet

than before mainly because of lack of

emphaty

Correct your spelling

empathy

people

's heart.

Toxicaton

Correct your spelling

Toxicon

and other

illhabits

Correct your spelling

habits

have made

people

more corrupt

hence

therefore

they lack

emphaty

Correct your spelling

empathy

and

loose

Replace the word

lose

show examples

the ability to differentiate between right and wrong.Action

flims

Correct your spelling

films

showing

crimes

aslo

Correct your spelling

also

tend to

affects

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affect

show examples

person's

Correct article usage

a person's

show examples

subconcious

Correct your spelling

subconscious

mind. Every problem has

solution

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a solution

the solution

show examples

and so does

this

one

. I

recommand

Correct your spelling

recommend

people

to do meditation as it makes our

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

capable to differentiate between right and wrong.It helps

one

to calm oneself

thing

Correct your spelling

think

show examples

about

Add an article

the solution

a solution

show examples

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

to their problem rather than life

threating

Correct your spelling

threatening

crimes

. It

also

makes

one

positive and

hence

enriches

onvea

Correct your spelling

one

over

soul with positivity. Government can

should

Remove a modal verb

apply

show examples

measures

Change the verb form

measure

show examples

to increase employment and

litracy

Correct your spelling

literacy

as they are key for earning money and

hence

, survival becomes

easiers

Correct your spelling

easier

with it.

Also

the rules regarding

crimes

like murder, rape should have severe

punisments

Correct your spelling

punishments

punishment

as it threatens

people

for not

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

such

crimes

Example

Change preposition

For example

show examples

, it is observed that countries with strict rules often have very low

crime

rates.

Also

, Toxicative substance should be abolished as they fuels

crime

For

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

driving while

toxicated

Correct your spelling

intoxicated

with alcohol or drugs makes accidents more prone. Studies

suggests

Change the verb form

suggest

show examples

that

toxicated

Correct your spelling

intoxicated

people

commit more

crime

as they are not in

sences

Correct your spelling

senses

scenes

Hence

measures should be taken to ban drugs, alcohol etc.

Lastly

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should take

inpiration

Correct your spelling

inspiration

from other countries who have solved

this problems

Change the determiner

this problem

these problems

show examples

and make new policies and rules with respect to it.

Lastly

influnencers

Correct your spelling

influencers

should motivate

people

to do good.

Also

people

should be vigilant they should neither commit

crime

nor support

one

doing it.

Submitted by chordiya.suresh on Mon Oct 11 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

341 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

crime rate
violent crimes
socioeconomic factors
law enforcement
technology
education
employment
drug abuse
alcohol abuse
poverty
inequality
effectiveness
investing
job creation
social support
community engagement

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In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some parents think children's behavior should be strictly controlled, while other parents think children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give examples.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish, causing pollution on land and in the water, so people think they should be ban. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People always believe that we could be a better person by using positive mindset. To what extend do you agree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?