IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who often change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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Nowadays, many persons believe that
people
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 who choose a
job
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 early and insist are possibly to obtain a satisfying
career
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life
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 than others who
change
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jobs
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 frequently. From my standpoint, I disagree
the
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with the
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 declaration to some extent.
However
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, if
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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often
change
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jobs
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,
then
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 they could have opportunities to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work they love, so they have a satisfying working
life
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. To be specific, if a person does not
likes
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like
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 a
field
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 where it works currently, even the
job
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 has the longest time,
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
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 still needs to find a new
field
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. So the person may
crosses
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cross
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 a
various
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variety
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 of fields to find
a
Change the article
an
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 interesting
job
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, even the perfect
jobs
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maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
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 in
education
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the education
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field
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, financial market or some other else. That means
although
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 a person may often
changes
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change
show examples
jobs
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 for searching a favourite
job
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, it
still
Add a missing verb
is still
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 worth
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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endeavour to have a satisfying working
life
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.
People
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 who
change
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jobs
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 frequently have more
experience
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 in the
various
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variety
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of
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apply
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fields which cultivate persons as the compound talent, so they could feel
satisfying
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satisfied
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. The individuals could gain a large number of
experience
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 from the different kinds of
jobs
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 which will transform the working
experience
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 to the advantages, and the advantages could promote
people
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 to work
efficient
Replace the word
efficiently
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. So it will benefit to persons’
career
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 and
then
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people
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 will have a perfect
job
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life
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. But
on the other hand
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,
people
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 who decide on a
job
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 early and do not consider
to
Change the verb form
changing
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change
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 it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 will have more
experience
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 of work, and they
also
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 will be promoted early. Because they joined
this
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career
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 path earlier than
people
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 who
change
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jobs
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 frequently, that means they have more qualifications than the later gamer. So they could have a satisfying working
life
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. In conclusion,
people
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 who
change
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 their
jobs
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 frequently may have a perfect
career
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life
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. They
experience
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 many
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field
Change to a plural noun
fields
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 of
jobs
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, so they could know which
jobs
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 are
they
Correct your spelling
the
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 favourite or in their advantage zone.
Then
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 they may obtain the satisfy in the long-term, even it may spend some time to find.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: