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Band 5.5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who often change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
Nowadays, many persons believe that
people
 who choose a
job
 early and insist are possibly to obtain a satisfying
career
life
 than others who
change
jobs
 frequently. From my standpoint, I disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 declaration to some extent.
However
, if
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
often
change
jobs
,
then
 they could have opportunities to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work they love, so they have a satisfying working
life
. To be specific, if a person does not
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 a
field
 where it works currently, even the
job
 has the longest time,
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
show examples
 still needs to find a new
field
. So the person may
crosses
Change the verb form
cross
show examples
 a
various
Replace the word
variety
show examples
 of fields to find
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 interesting
job
, even the perfect
jobs
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
field
, financial market or some other else. That means
although
 a person may often
changes
Change the verb form
change
show examples
jobs
 for searching a favourite
job
, it
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 worth
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
endeavour to have a satisfying working
life
.
People
 who
change
jobs
 frequently have more
experience
 in the
various
Replace the word
variety
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fields which cultivate persons as the compound talent, so they could feel
satisfying
Replace the word
satisfied
show examples
. The individuals could gain a large number of
experience
 from the different kinds of
jobs
 which will transform the working
experience
 to the advantages, and the advantages could promote
people
 to work
efficient
Replace the word
efficiently
show examples
. So it will benefit to persons’
career
 and
then
people
 will have a perfect
job
life
. But
on the other hand
,
people
 who decide on a
job
 early and do not consider
to
Change the verb form
changing
show examples
change
 it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will have more
experience
 of work, and they
also
 will be promoted early. Because they joined
this
career
 path earlier than
people
 who
change
jobs
 frequently, that means they have more qualifications than the later gamer. So they could have a satisfying working
life
. In conclusion,
people
 who
change
 their
jobs
 frequently may have a perfect
career
life
. They
experience
 many
field
Change to a plural noun
fields
show examples
 of
jobs
, so they could know which
jobs
 are
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 favourite or in their advantage zone.
Then
 they may obtain the satisfy in the long-term, even it may spend some time to find.
Submitted by fanganqi79 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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