IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and art lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children’s families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #fund #music #dance #art #lessons #children #businesses #children’s #families
Government
 funding is very important to an economy, allocation of funds should be based on the need and
growth
 of the society. Few people think that dancing, musical and artistic studies should be given major preference, while others think that private ventures and
children
's families will require more funding. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and elaborate on why private
businesses
 and
children
's families should be funded by the
government
. When it comes to studies
government
 funding is very important, which educates
children
 and make them aware of various possibilities. Focusing on art, music and dance will make students
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn the culture and socialize with other people, leads to
growth
 in their circle of life. Participation in events in various parts of the world will make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
get to know about various religions and leads the way to spread our cultural values. Eventually by funding in
this
 area will focus more on spreading
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cultural heritage. A nation's
growth
 is determined by its economy, funding in
businesses
 and family schemes will assure them. Any business requires funding,
although
 a person running a business will spend to make profits.
Government
 should
also
 encourage them by giving some beneficial schemes, which helps them to take a loan and improve their business.
Children
's families who are in desperate need of funds will look after some support from the
government
 so that they may spend money on studies and in their needs of education.
This
 may lead to the proper education of students and economic benefits from them. Overall
this
 will make the country more stable in terms of economic
growth
.
Nevertheless
, everything should be focused on from the
government
 perspective. In my opinion is, the
government
 should fund more on the
businesses
 and family schemes, which will make a student educate well and allow him to work on his idea and innovate new ideas.
Therefore
 hereby I conclude that funding for
businesses
 and
children
's family
growth
 will benefit all.
Submitted by suruthi25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: