IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In our ever-changing world, it is argued by a group of people that the government should reduce the frequency of violations on television and shows to limit the crime rate in our society these days. From my perspective, I totally agree with the former statement in terms of preventing imitation and cynicism and my essay will analyze the rationale for my viewpoint. To commence, it is unequivocal that audiences, especially children and juveniles, are vulnerable to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 the awareness negatively affected by TV programmes containing brutality.
As a result
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 of being immature, teenagers are likely to be unable to justify whether the violent actions broadcasted on videotapes are legal or not,
hence
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 having
the
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apply
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misled conceptions of these scenes. Thereby, they are likely to imitate these violent actions in real life without hesitation. Taking martial arts movies as an example, watching these films at an early age might make teenagers assume that violence symbolizes power,
thus
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 they might try to implement these fighting scenes in real
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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.
As a consequence
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,
this
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 imitation could cause harmful influence
as well as
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 injuries
on
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to
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 not only themselves but
also
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 their neighbours, leading to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in
the
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apply
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wrongdoing and
the
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apply
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instability in our society. Regarding
to
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apply
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the cynicism term, the repeated exposure of bloodshed on television on a regular basis might cause the public's familiarity with cruelty.
Therefore
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, it is undoubted that people appear to stay numb and cynical when witnessing a violent incident in real life since they have come across these fierce actions a lot on social media.
For instance
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, when a clash breaks out, people watching too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 violent
serial
Fix the agreement mistake
serials
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 oftentimes tend to stay out of the fight and observe it
in stead
Correct your spelling
instead
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 of preventing it. We can effortlessly come up with the fact that a gradual decrease in empathy and kindness in our society might ensue. In conclusion, the brutal scenes have their own undeniable drawbacks in terms of increasing
the
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cruelty
along with
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 desensitization.
Thus
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, the government ought to take appropriate measures to gain dominant control over the widespread of
this
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 phenomenon. Check the Essay New Essay 00:06:15 Premium access to Speaking9 Sign up with the same email or use the coupon code to get a 100% discount: WRITING9 Open Speaking9 × Free eBook for Premium Users The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ Read the book × 7 Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more 1 Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer 15 Mistakes 4 paragraphs 341 words

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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