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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reason for this? What would you suggest as a solution?

#people #jobs #reason
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In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 that racing with
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation for one
job
Use synonyms
 is increasing. The reason for
that is
Linking Words
 the small payment for
pension
Add an article
a pension
the pension
show examples
 that leads old
people
Use synonyms
 to work more than they need, the viable solution for that could be increasing the
money
Use synonyms
 that comes from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 for old ones. The amount of
money
Use synonyms
 that gives states for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 that crossed retirement age is too little and smaller than
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
. After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they don’t have any variants except having
competition
Add an article
a competition
show examples
 with youngsters for one
job
Use synonyms
, which makes it more difficult because they have more experiences than
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation.
For example
Linking Words
, In Kazakhstan comparing average
salary
Use synonyms
 and pension
money
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 is higher for 2 times and by the result of
statistic
Add an article
the statistic
a statistic
show examples
 of
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
, 50% of them are working to earn
money
Use synonyms
 to support their own family. The main solution for that could be increasing of the pension benefit that gives government for old
people
Use synonyms
 having higher
money
Use synonyms
 fee will reduce the tension for one
job
Use synonyms
 between young and old
people
Use synonyms
 and they could live without having a
job
Use synonyms
. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, Uzbekistan increased retirement
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 30% that contains 70% of
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 which was enough for old
people
Use synonyms
 and 27% of them
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
 their
job
Use synonyms
 and gave the road
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 youngsters. In conclusion,
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 cause of rising competes between
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 and young generations for the same
job
Use synonyms
 is
small
Correct article usage
the small
show examples
 retirement
money
Use synonyms
 payment and making it
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as the average
salary
Use synonyms
 could solve it easily.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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