Every day people see advertisements encouraging them to buy products they might not need or might not be able to afford. To what extent do you think people are influenced by advertising?

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Nowadays, social media from TV to the Internet are overfilled by commercials and encouraging people to buy products that they don't need. I am inclined to believe advertisements have a tremendous influence on the population.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

regarding many ,psychologists
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is a malady and is called shopaholism.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

how social media develops,
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials

It seems that commercial may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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spread rapidly. The number of
broadcast
Change to a plural noun
broadcasts

The singular countable noun broadcast follows the quantifier number, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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on the Internet have increased
more
Change preposition
by more

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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than 1000% since 2010 and are still expanding. Advertisement’s area is evolving and has many ways to influence the potential buyers consciously.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

: many online shopping applications know what customers buy and offer something similar with a discount.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many search systems
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as Google gather information about customer preferences and regarding
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

data provide suitable
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions

It seems that opinion may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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offers
Change preposition
on offers

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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. I am convinced that the Internet is overfilled by ad publications and has a tremendous influence on
users
Change noun form
users'
user's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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preferences.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Social Data Researches number of shopaholics
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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increasing gradually. Regarding reports every second individual buys something useless or disposable, each fourth individual buys totally unsuitable stuff and admits
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case that they are shopaholics, and only each fifty individual admits
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

fact that he or she needs a psychologist's help.
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

research, the number of people with addiction has been increasing since the second millennium. No doubt about the fact that advertisements are affected negatively. In a nutshell, commercials are evolving, expanding and conquering many social media platforms.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, myriads of customers suffer from shopaholism and some of them do not realise
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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fact that they are influenced by aggressive commercials.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more clearly and coherently. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively address the topic and your main points are well-supported throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
You need to address the task more fully by providing a more balanced and comprehensive response. Include more specific examples and develop your ideas in a more clear and relevant manner.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brand loyalty
  • Consumer behavior
  • Impulse buying
  • Influencer marketing
  • Psychological manipulation
  • Scarcity tactics
  • Emotional appeal
  • Perceived value
  • Spending habits
  • Societal norms
  • Brand familiarity
  • Celebrity endorsements
  • Consumer skepticism
  • Purchase urgency
  • Exclusivity
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