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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating.

#businesses #individuals #technology #face
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In recent years, the issue related to a virtual workplace has attracted the public’s attention. Some experts suggest that the development of remote
work
 has negative effects on interpersonal skills, while others oppose that teleworking is a new revolution of modern society. In the following paragraphs,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
 trend will be discussed. On the on side of the argument,
firstly
, telemediated
work
 obviously creates a positive
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 impact. It is common to believe that people are more likely to experience stress at
work
such
 as
complexity
Correct article usage
the complexity
show examples
 of assignments and conflict with colleagues. Regarding the Wall Street Journal’s article,
for instance
, the employees working from home had admitted that they were comfortable than returning to the office, resulting in increasing the positive perspective towards their jobs.
In addition
, the possibility of producing good-quality tasks significantly increased thanks to creating a personal place. What
this
 means is that home considered as a private space with fewer interruptions allow workers to fully utilise their performances since an exhausting day for commuting to the workplace is completely avoided.
Conversely
, the negative impacts cannot be overlooked.
Initially
, the flexibility of remotely working does not guarantee
to achieve
Change the verb form
achieving
show examples
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
 balance.
This
 is because people tend to be careless about time, leading to inevitably do working overtime. Owing to the Covid-19 pandemic, many employees are forced to
work
 from their places, and they complained that additional hours had a dramatic issue on their health.
Moreover
, a lack of motivation could
be occurred
Change to the active voice
occur
have occurred
show examples
 from
this
 activity. It is undeniable that
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 environment in the organization overwhelming creates enthusiasm and passion in individuals, leading to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 a growth mindset. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate the demerits of
this
 matter far outstrip the drawbacks.
Although
 there are potential advantages, they outweigh the negatives.
Therefore
, the organization should wisely consider working approaches
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are suitable for their employees in order to mitigate related risks.
Submitted by burist.ch on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Efficiency
  • Convenience
  • Instant messaging
  • Video calls
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Economical
  • Accessibility
  • Physical barriers
  • Nuanced understanding
  • Impersonal
  • Misunderstandings
  • Reliance
  • Technical failures
  • Vulnerable
  • Security breaches
  • Hacking
  • Data theft
  • Sensitive information
  • Digital communication
  • Face-to-face interactions
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