IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Many people believe that food and beverages that are high in sugar should be sold at high prices to discourage people from consuming these unhealthy
products
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. I totally disagree because I think that it is unfair to consumers charge more for these
products
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 and
also
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 because there are other more effective ways to discourage
consumption
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 of these
types
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 of
goods
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. The main reason why I believe these
products
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 should not be made more expensive is that it is unfair to shoppers. These
types
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 of
goods
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, when consumed in moderation, are not a health risk and
therefore
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 it does not seem reasonable that everybody who consumes these
goods
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 should have to pay more.
Furthermore
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, for people on a tight budget, a sweet snack is an affordable luxury.
However
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, if prices are hiked
this
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 might put people’s favourite snack out of reach.
In addition
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, there are more effective ways to decrease the
consumption
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 of sugary
goods
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. The best way is for the government to engage in public service advertising to educate the public about the need to eat these
types
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 of
products
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 in moderation.
This
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 type of approach has been useful with other vices
such
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 as alcohol and cigarettes and so it seems reasonable that it will
also
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 work for sugary
products
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. Another effective way to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption
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 is to ban
advertising
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the advertising
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 of these
types
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 of
products
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. I feel
this
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 will be effective because it will create less of a psychological desire to consume these
types
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 of
goods
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. In conclusion, I am totally against increasing the price of confectionery.
This
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 is because it is not fair to consumers and there are better ways to reduce
consumption
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 of these sugary
goods
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Submitted by hudakarboly on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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