IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #machines #workers #jobs #tasks
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Workers
 were replaced by new technological
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to do some physical careers and tasks.
Although
,
this
 could lead to
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
 money
as a result
 of hiring
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
employees
. I believe that drawbacks outweigh benefits because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
people
 suffered
Replace the word
losing
show examples
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
 their
jobs
. It is argued that
providing
Change preposition
by providing
show examples
 new technological machinery,
people
 had to do less physical work and achieved
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 targets.
This
 would lead to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
workers
 to save money by avoiding extra labour costs for hiring more
workers
.
For example
, in Sri Lanka,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 whom I know has
one acre
Add a hyphen
one-acre
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coconut
Change preposition
of coconut
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 land, use two garden cleaners to clean
whole
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the whole
show examples
 area using new technological machines and they finished cleaning it within one day,
however
 before he had to occupy five
workers
 to clean the same area without providing technological
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 has positive consequences, I believe that there should be a balance between
technology
 and physical
employees
 without
Replace the word
losing
show examples
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
 their
jobs
.
On the other hand
, physical
employees
 lost their employments as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of
intervention
Add an article
the intervention
show examples
 of new technological
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
show examples
.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
technology
 is more powerful and effective compared to
manual
Correct article usage
the manual
show examples
 work of
employees
. It took very
less
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 time to finish its given targets using fewer
workers
. In order to obtain quick performance efficiently, employers tried to avoid unnecessary labour costs by reducing
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
employees
.
For instance
, in
India
Add a comma
,India
show examples
 fewer
workers
 used to supervise that the
recycle
Replace the word
recycling
show examples
 machine is working properly. Before having
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
technology
,
people
 themselves choose and
sepereate
Correct your spelling
separate
 usable items from unusable things. In my opinion,
people
 should train to work with
technology
 without losing their
jobs
. In conclusion, despite the fact that new technological
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 saved
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employers, I believe that drawbacks outweigh benefits because
technology
 intervened to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
jobs
 of physical
workers
.
Submitted by dilsheha on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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