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Band 4.5

Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#topic #computer #effects #children
In
this
 modern era, it is difficult to say that using a
computer
 is a bad thing or a good thing.
However
, I feel that
computer
 has more benefits
such
 as online shopping, study and even office work than cons. Can't deny the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 has its own disadvantages
such
 as access use of it cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eye pain and headache. Some kids and youngsters are so addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic gadgets that they spend the whole
day
 on it and pay less attention to the study as well as it makes them isolated from the real world. For an instance, in
Japan
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,Japan
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 one kid had spent a
half million
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half-million
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 from her mother's card just to play
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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video games.
Moreover
, kids forget to play outside and enjoy the real fun playing with friends.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
 as they said, every coin has two sides and so does
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
. If people use it wisely, it is more useful in our
day
 to
day
 life and makes our life convenient and easier. Since the
day
 Covid-19 hits, 90% of the population is working from home and still
erning
Correct your spelling
earning
 money.
Education
Add an article
The education
show examples
 system has no adverse
Replace the word
effect
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 as they are providing online classes.
Although
 people were home quarantined, they can do online shopping and things can be easily delivered
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to their respective places. Within a couple of minutes, you can reach anywhere in the world
hassle free
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hassle-free
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, be it socially or professionally or just to order your favourite
dises
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dishes
. I believe that even though using
Correct your spelling
computer
comupter
Correct article usage
a comupter
show examples
 is not good
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
, it has adequate reasons to use it for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better purpose. If one can
acess
Correct your spelling
access
 the electronic book in a way it has
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 impact than the negative.
Submitted by brijal_desai on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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