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Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Due to the advancement of technology,
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer and
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 has increased day by day due to better medical
care
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facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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. So, due to improved medical
care
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 facility, death rates
has
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have
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 decreased.
This
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 essay will discuss both merits and demerits of
this
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 development. In my own perspective, demerits are more as compared to merits. To commence with, there are some advantages of
this
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 belief.
First
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 and foremost is that
,
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apply
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
want
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wants
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 to have
baby
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a baby
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 late because they want to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their dreams and desires before baby plan. So, if grandparents are living longer
then
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 they teach moral values to grandchildren properly that youngsters can not teach easily.
For instance
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, in the modern era, moral values are eradicating because
people
Use synonyms
 become more moderate and they want to update with
latest
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the latest
show examples
trend
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trends
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.
Moreover
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, both parents are working nowadays, they do not have to take
care
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 of their babies. So, they have to keep
nany
Correct your spelling
any
for
Change preposition
to
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take
Change the verb form
taking
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care
Use synonyms
 of babies.
Thus
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, at that time, grandparents can take
care
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 of grandchildren without any hesitation and they have to spend quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time with them in order to remove loneliness. On the paradoxical side, there are many drawbacks pf
this
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 development.
Firstly
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, if medical
care
Use synonyms
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 will improve
then
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 will
also
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 have inclined due to
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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 of technology. It has
detrimental
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a detrimental
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 effect on
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 because they have to give pensions to all old age
people
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.
Therefore
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, most of
money
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the money
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 is spent on pensions by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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.
Furthermore
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, more staff
member
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members
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 should available in
medical
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the medical
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 field for
Add an article
the patient
a patient
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patient
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patients
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. Due to
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, most of
money
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the money
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 is spent on
salaries
Correct article usage
the salaries
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 of staff members. Apart from it,
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 will have more burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their parents related to medicines and some other things. Nowadays,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 do
Correct your spelling
not
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no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 want to have
responsibility
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the responsibility
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 old
people
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. To conclude,
although
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 there are more drawbacks of
this
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 development
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
there are some merits that can not be overlooked. If old
people
Use synonyms
 live longer they teach moral values to their grandchildren while
baby sitting
Correct your spelling
babysitting
show examples
 of them but
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will have increased and government should have to spend money on pensions and salaries.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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