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Band 6

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, some individuals argue that smoking is a principal cause of grave diseases around the world. Because of
this
 impact on communal health, they defend that many governmental leaders ought to prohibit
products
 derived from
tobacco
. In
this
 essay, I am going to explain why I strongly agree with
this
 opinion because
cigarettes
 and peers provoke detrimental effects. The main reason why I believe governments should forbid
tobacco
products
 is the tremendous costs associated with all medical treatments required by smokers. Given the presence of a variety of chemical
products
,
such
 as nicotine,
cigarettes
 caused substantial medical issues,
such
 as lung cancer.
For instance
, in Brazil, more than 2 billion dollars are spent on health treatments of patients that suffer from respiratory diseases and lung cancer every year, and more than two-thirds of these problems are related to long-term using of
tobacco
products
.
Moreover
, the use of
cigarettes
also
 affects unintentional victims, taking children as an example, because they have to share the same place with smokers.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
 they do not use
tobacco
 directly, they inhale all smoke which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 many substances that injury their immune and respiratory system. According to a study from Oxford University, the risk of emphysema increases by 93% among young persons
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have been living with smoking relatives and the gravity of it is worst among these patients. In conclusion, I am firm in my opinion that smoking must be globally forbidden by governments because it represents a serious problem for humanity.
Cigarettes
 and peers cause many health disorders for users and for other people who coexist with them. On top of that, nations around the world spend enormous funds on medical treatments
instead
 of using
this
 value in other public actions.
Submitted by debi_quistina on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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