Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

Modern technology influences the public, which some people

believes

Correct subject-verb agreement

believe

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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has a great effect on their psychological well being especially on children. To what extent that it is true? In

this

essay, I will discuss that these inventions have a big impact on the nation but most on the

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

To begin

with, it is popular

Change preposition

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society that we are living in an updated world which brought changes to the way we live,

for example

, having gadgets and video players are the new hobbies of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children nowadays. Most of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

kids are known to all the new programs that they can watch, aside from that there are many kinds of games that

youngs

Correct your spelling

young

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are addicted to. Actually, they are more focused on watching

TVs

Fix the agreement mistake

show examples

and concentrating on playing video games, provided that, they have easy access to all of these since it all comes in cellphones and computers.

Furthermore

, the community are aware of how it affects their mental health, it

also

affects them

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

they can portray everything they can see. The negative effects without proper supervision,

the

Correct word choice

and the

show examples

tendency of copying it,

such

as movies and programs in television

consists

Correct subject-verb agreement

consist

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of violence, crime, drugs and killing people. At an early stage, they are exposed to these kinds of genres,

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

can

because

Add a missing verb

be because

show examples

of how they will think and how to treat the community

thus

, it will lead them to be a bad citizen in the future. In conclusion, moderation of using all the technologies

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

good. The individuals should give proper guidance especially, to the children, for them to learn what is wrong from right. In our generation we are living, it is easy to access everything,

however

limitation

Fix the agreement mistake

limitations

show examples

on what to use and watch is one prevention on adapting all the negative causes that our modern world is having.

Submitted by ding on Sun Oct 17 2021

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task achievement

The essay provides some response to the task and includes relevant ideas, but there is a need for clearer and more comprehensive ideas along with specific examples to support the points made. Try to address all aspects of the task prompt and provide more in-depth analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sporting facilities, others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?