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Band 4

It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job
My parents always tell me to choose the
job
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
love
 not to choose the
job
 which only making money.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 when we
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
grew
have grown
show examples
 up, people tend to employ with a
job
 making money. In my point of view, doing what you
love
 will help you to keep
motivation
Replace the word
motivated
show examples
 and creative
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 will
empact
Correct your spelling
impact
 the long term road
Firstly
, it is not easy to earn money with what you
love
.
For
example
Change the noun form
examples
show examples
 like musician or painter, nowadays
this
job
 is really competitive. To get high paid for the song you write or to get
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 favourite artist
is all depends
Change the verb form
all depends
show examples
 on your luck.
Moreover
, some paintings only get famous only after the
deth
Correct your spelling
death
 of the painter (
Picaso
Correct your spelling
Picasso
).
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, some high paid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 are not always the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 you can keep doing for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time. Can you imagine that sitting 8 hours a day in the office and calculating and reporting only
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Overall,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is really boring and by the end of the day you will question yourself what did you do for life. In conclusion, doing what you
love
 is so important, it helps you to keep balance in life.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, enjoying
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working
also
 make the quality of your work better.
Submitted by namdzung on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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