IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

WRITING TASK 2: Today, people are getting greedy and selfish. Some people argue that we should go back the old days and show respect for the family and community, so that we can make the world a better place to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #show #respect #community #world #place
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that currently,
people
 need to come back to their own days and witness admiration for family and communication, which can act as a precursor to improves the living standard of the world. While
this
 statement is valid to some extent, I would contend that I partially agree with
this
 idea. On the one hand,
people
, who come back to their born and raised place, can significantly contribute to the prosperity of not only their family but
also
 society.
In other words
,
people
 can remove their selfishness and greed, and share their remarkable knowledge
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
people
 sheltered in their old
community
 with a view to greatly enhance their financial statement, and
also
 bring tremendous benefits to the
community
.
For example
, Pham Nhat Vuong, who is cited as top 1000 billionaires in the world by Forbes, comes back from Ukraine to Viet Nam, where he was raised, in order to give poor
people
 a hand to become wealthier
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and generate a wealth of jobs for his countries.
Thus
,
people
 go back to their old communication and family to do remarkable wonders for other
people
 within their countries.
On the other hand
,
people
also
 have their own reasons to not go back and help their countries. One of the most reasonable causes is that the old communities bring a negative impact to their life, which can not provide enough conditions for them to enhance their quality
Correct your spelling
life
lives
Change preposition
of lifes
show examples
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
, they may not only act as a disturbance for the prosperity of the old
community
 but
also
 can be cited as a burden for the family.
Hence
, they should not come back to their old
community
 if they can not greatly revamp their life in order to support others. In conclusion,
people
 should go back to bring as many benefits as they can to make their old
community
 more flourish.
Besides
, it is understandable if they can not go back to serve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their society.
Submitted by thuhuong3031999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • individualism
  • consumer culture
  • digital interactions
  • community-focused lifestyles
  • erosion of family values
  • communal respect
  • mental health problems
  • social isolation
  • traditional family values
  • sense of belonging
  • mutual support
  • social cohesion
  • individual freedom
  • diversity
  • inclusivity
  • social harmony
What to do next:
Look at other essays: