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Band 2.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
These days,there is no doubt that people had
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
 hours of
work
 than having
time
 to relax. While
this
 offers a few advantages, there
is
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are
show examples
also
 some disadvantages which
worth
Add a missing verb
are worth
show examples
 considering. The is two main benefits for working long hour.
Firstly
, through
work
 longer hours you gain promotion for your company. When employee, always
work
 hard and not noticing the
time
accumalate
Correct your spelling
accumulate
, can gain instant promotion for being hardworking.
Secondly
, through
promotion
Add a comma
,promotion
show examples
 you can gain
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 salary. When
your
Replace the word
you're
you are
show examples
 being promoted
in
Change preposition
to
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 a certain higher position they will increase your compensation.
On the other hand
,
various
Add an article
the various
show examples
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 may be noted. In the
first
 place, working for longer can lead you to
burn out
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burnout
show examples
 and stress.
This
 will lead you to have
a health problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
health problems
a health problem
show examples
 like heart
attack
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attacks
show examples
 and panic attacks. According to
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
, people need to balance
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 life, working and leisure
time
, to have a healthy life.
Additionally
,
its
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it's
it is
show examples
 useless to have a lot of money if
your
Replace the word
you're
you are
show examples
 not going to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life and use it wisely for your
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 good. In conclusion, having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unlimited
time
 of working can lead you
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 position and money.
Howerver
Correct your spelling
However
, it will lead you to have a health problem and you cannot expend your money well.
Therefore
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to weigh the benefits
againts
Correct your spelling
against
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 carefully before coming to a decision as to whether people should
work
 longer hours.
Submitted by maryaizee_14 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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