IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
SULT TAKE TEST AGAIN Question 1 / 1 Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and
this
Linking Words
 sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree? In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era, prominent
personalties
Correct your spelling
personalities
show examples
 are well-known for their materialistic possession and style more than their accomplishment,
Correct your spelling
majority
mijority
Correct article usage
the mijority
show examples
 of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
apperhend
Correct your spelling
apprehend
 that
this
Linking Words
 influences the
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
 and youth negatively.I strongly agree with the
statament
Correct your spelling
statement
 as the young generation of our
conutry
Correct your spelling
country
 get distracted and try to
amuliate
Correct your spelling
emulate
ameliorate
 their
behivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 in real life. To commence with,
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 deviated from their path as they follow the
emient
Correct your spelling
eminent
 people and see them as their role model since most of the famous persons are not well-educated that result,student to think education is not important to be successful. No wonder
this
Linking Words
 trend has
devastating
Add an article
a devastating
show examples
 impact on their career as education is
powerful
Add an article
a powerful
show examples
 weapon to change the world.
for instance
Linking Words
,
karshima
Correct your spelling
Karishma
karma
kapoor
Change the capitalization
Kapoor
show examples
 is one of the recognised
actrees
Correct your spelling
actress
 of
bollywood
Change the capitalization
Bollywood
show examples
 with
10th
Correct article usage
a 10th
show examples
 passed qualification.Mostly she is notable for her personal life and fashion rather than, her talent
this
Linking Words
 may change the perception to become
populor
Correct your spelling
popular
.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 the youth are not enough mature to understand it required a lot of hard work and dedication to move ahead
towords
Correct your spelling
towards
 glory which can not be attainable over a night.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they admire celeb
fasinating
Correct your spelling
fascinating
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, bank balance and fame.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they get distracted easily
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in the world of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 where
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 spread like a flash. To exemplify mostly
teenage
Replace the word
teenagers
show examples
 wish to have
physique
Add an article
a physique
show examples
 like hero,
heroiens
Correct your spelling
heroine
heroines
 or say
sportperson
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
sport person
 but they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 realize it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 regular exercise and discipline to look fit
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. Overall the future of the country is moving in a path of negligence now
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 high time to make them more aware
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 actual victory is and innovate moral
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
.
Submitted by vikram400059 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: