IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

#illness #death #world #interest #health #governments #ban #cigarettes #tobacco #products
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The major source of serious
illness
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 and
death
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 in the whole world nowadays is smoking.
Therefore
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, in regard to public health,cigarettes and other
tobacco
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products
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 should be prohibited.I agree that smoking is a danger to human health and should be prohibited.
Firstly
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,those people who smoke usually do not have the repercussion in mind towards their health from smoking habits and
thus
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 continue making a daily trend
however
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 lowering their body immune which they end up having serious
illness
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 and
death
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.
In addition
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,the
government
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 has established smoking zones
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are underutilized
although
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 not in all town
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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consequently
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 putting the public at risk so the other alternative is prohibiting cigarettes and other
tobacco
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products
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.
For example
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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 research done by the Nairobi university shows that 80% of lung cancer cases are caused by smoking.
Therefore
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,it is imperative for the
government
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 to put
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict measures on smoking to reduce serious
illness
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 and
death
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 in the community.
Secondly
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,companies that produce
tobacco
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 should have a strict policy that stands for the safety of the public since
this
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 company create employment
therefore
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 cannot be done away with but on alternative be supported.
In
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addition
Add a comma
,addition
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tobacco
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products
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 should be highly taxed to reduce frequent intake by people as they will be expensive.
For example
Linking Words
 in Rwanda,
tobacco
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products
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 are 70% taxed and since
then
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 Rwanda has had the lowest cases of lung cancer.For
this
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, reason the
government
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 has a big role in the prevention of
illness
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 and
death
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 in the community To conclude,people have a big role to play in
prevention
Add an article
the prevention
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 of serious
illness
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 and
death
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 by stopping to smoke while the
government
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 follow adherence to prohibited smocking
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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