Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness others however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness

It is often debated whether

money

can bring

happiness

to your

life

. It is not always necessary that a rich

person

is happy: you can buy a lot of things with

money

but

happiness

is something which cannot be bought. One can feel

happiness

while

sipping a cup of tea sitting on their balcony or reading a favourite book;

therefore

, in my opinion,

money

is not directly related to

happiness

Firstly

, a rich

person

who has

money

can buy all the materialistic things and may seem to be happy but it does not imply that a poor

person

is not happy.

Moreover

, a

person

who is always busy earning

money

and travelling for business hardly gets time to spend with his family; as a

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

result neither he nor his family is happy.

On the contrary

, a poor farmer is happy with less

money

because he spends time and enjoys meals with his children.

For instance

, in

India

Add a comma

India,

show examples

70% of people have the desire for

money

to live a luxurious

life

happy

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Secondly

, there are many people suffering from health issues

due to

loneliness,

depression

Correct word choice

and depression

show examples

because they have no one to share their thoughts and feelings with. Some of them are so busy working that they hardly get time to talk to their parents or close friends. On the flip side, a

person

who lives with their parents and has friends is able to cope

Change preposition

apply

show examples

with bad times quickly. It is very important for every one of us to interact with someone whom we love because it gives us internal

happiness

and satisfaction that there is someone who cares for us.

While

I admit

money

is important it has no meaning in some aspects of

life

. In conclusion,

money

is required to fulfil our basic needs like shelter, food, clothing, etc. but it is not the utmost factor that can constitute

happiness

. Parents, family,

friends

Correct word choice

and friends

show examples

are more important in a

person

’s

life

to give internal

happiness

and they cannot be bought with

money

Submitted by Sumit on Wed Oct 20 2021

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improvement

Develop your main points with more specific examples to support your opinions and make your ideas more cohesive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

333 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness others however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at schoo/. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People can eat a wide variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than that only locally made. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The Government Is Wasting Money On Arts And This Money Could Be Better Spent Elsewhere To what extent do you agree or disagree?

1.Some people think its a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The best way to remove poverty in developing countries is to provide 6 years of free education to all children. So that they can read, write and use numbers agree or disagree.