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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.?

#people #arts #paintings #music #waste #money #government #services
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It is controversial that whether governments are responsible to invest in
arts
Use synonyms
 and music or not. I strongly agree with the opinion that investing in areas
such
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 as
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 is unbeneficial and unfair.
this
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 is due to many reasons. I will discuss in
this
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 essay the main two reasons; it will limit freedom of art and there are services more important than supporting hobbies.
To begin
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 with, if the
government
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 invest money in
arts
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, it will lead to much more regulations in
this
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fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
 which is creating a heavily
consintraint
Correct your spelling
constraint
 for both
audiance
Correct your spelling
audience
 and
participents
Correct your spelling
participants
. As a consequence
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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, paintings and music would
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 their beauty and their
deepths
Correct your spelling
depths
 which we always are associated with these types of
arts
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. Take North
korea
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Korea
show examples
 as a perfect example, where the artists are not allowed to create any creative ideas rather than flattering the
government
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. Another factor to consider is, there are areas
such
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 as public health and security in need to support and
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 a great budget to meet the minimum standard. So if the
government
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 dedicated
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
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 of the annual budget to help artists and
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
, it would have shortages in the critical services which will
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
 and create unbalanced inside the community. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 investment in
arts
Use synonyms
 and public hobbies are not a wise way to spend the yearly budget.
this
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 is because it would
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
 damage
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 sense of freedom in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
in addition
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 to that, most people
are consider
Change the verb form
consider
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 that unfair
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it would reduce the
anvestments
Correct your spelling
investments
investment
 in services
such
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 as health and safety.
Submitted by t.g.alanazi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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