IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development？

#countries #success #facilities #train #athletes #sports #development？
When it comes to how to make progress in
sports
, attitudes vary from country to country. Some remain
firm
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a firm
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believer
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believers
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 in splurging to provide top infrastructure for elite sportsmen despite the common international belief that making these infrastructures an everyday luxury available for both
school boys
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schoolboys
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 and city workers is more vital. In my aspect, burning money only for a few top athletes is a negative method of development. My viewpoint stems from
such
 factors.
To begin
 with, those specialized facilities are expensive and lavishing on them will put a tremendous burden on the budget of
government
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the government
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. And these fundings could be spent on education, medicine and social safety-net
instead
,
what
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which
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are
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is
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 thought to be more beneficial to lift the living standards of people.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elite athletes are usually selected from a quite early age. They spent all of their time
practicing
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practising
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 and lost many opportunities to learn the literal curriculum. If they quit their
sports
 career one day, it is difficult to feed themselves, as no skills are mastered except
sports
 techniques. At the same time, the huge pressure shouldered on these top teenagers may bring both physical and psychological illness.
Last
 but not least, if the facilities are admitted only to be used by few ranges of people, the aim of improving
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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 health situation cannot be achieved. The revenues earned by the authorities are supported by every citizen,
therefore
 it should be used to develop public infrastructure. In a word,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elite
sports
 have
enormous
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an enormous
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 negative impact on
development
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the development
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 of society and should be cancelled.
Submitted by 908133411 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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