IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #universities #factors
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over how to become a high-achiever.
While
 some claim that getting into institutions is the sole tactic to become fruitful, the opposite makes a statement that various elements make a great contribution to success.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, academies bring immense impacts on
people’s
 fruitfulness. For the time being, they are living in a degree-based society, to be more particular, companies both large and small require degrees from prestigious universities of candidates. Students from reputable colleges in Viet Nam
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Economies University of Foreign Trade University have higher opportunities to be recruited by leading companies
such
 as Vin Group, Sun Group and FPT.
Thus
, entering academies plays a paramount significant role in
people’s
 success.
While
 the necessity of going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities is widely acknowledged,
people’s
 achievements
also
 depend on alternative elements, especially sets of
skills
. Because when they have some useful
skills
, they can exponentially make value for the companies without squandering time to be trained. Communication
skills
, time management
skills
 or problem-solving
skills
 can be cited as compelling instances to increase your chances of being hired.
Therefore
, skill sets make a great contribution to the success of people. In conclusion,
while
 getting into institutions brings a tremendous effect on
people’s
 fruitfulness, there are other facets which can influence the achievements
such
 as helpful
skills
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance your essay and achieve a higher band score, strive to provide more diversified examples and cite any relevant statistical data or studies where possible. This would not only enrich your argument but also demonstrate a broader knowledge and analytical depth on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. While your essay logically organizes thoughts, employing a greater variety of cohesive devices would strengthen the coherence and cohesion, making your argumentation more seamless.
Task Achievement
Consider deeper explorations of opposing viewpoints or more nuanced discussions on the significance of universities in achieving success compared to other factors. Acknowledging and critically analyzing counter-arguments can enhance the complexity of your essay and showcase your analytical skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: