IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to comsume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people #comsume
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In
this
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 modern age,
people
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 have seen many
products
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 with high sugar levels in a convenience store or supermarket, resulting in folks having health problems. While there are those
people
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 who believe that sugary production should be expensive to discourage
people
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 from buying them, I totally disagree with
this
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 because the
price
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 increase could not be an obstacle for those
people
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.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that it will change consumption habits in some groups of the population.
First
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 of all, a fee does not matter for
people
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 likely to buy or drink those manufactured
products
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.
For example
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, in many countries, the crowd still buy food or drink with a high quantity of sugar.
However
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, the cost is not cheap at all because they can not change their behaviours.
This
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 may lead these customers to have problems in healthiness.
Furthermore
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, the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 is higher than a bottle of water, and the population prefers buying those
products
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 rather than consuming pure water. These have bolstered the idea that
price
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 can not affect
people
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 because they will not change what they behave.
However
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, changing of
price
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 tag will affect some groups of
people
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 who hardly ever buy the
products
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 because they have realized the nutrients in the procedure.
For instance
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, a healthy person prefers not to absorb many sugars into their body because they have to count calories. The
price
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 is
also
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 increased, resulting in changing their consumption habits. To conclude, even though most
people
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 know that sugary
products
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 will bring many health problems, they would buy them for some reason.
Thus
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, the amount of money they have paid is cheap because they already pay for their health, which is incomparable to that money.
Hence
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,
this
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 is the reason why the increase in the
price
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 will not discourage them.
Submitted by phantomdancing1 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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