IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the whole family (grandparents, uncles and aunts) bringing up children is better then only parents. what is your opinion?

#people #grandparents #uncles #aunts #children #parents
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Nowadays, in most
families
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,families
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 both parents work to afford expenses and offspring’s needs.A chunk of individuals opines that
,
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apply
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due to
hectic
Correct article usage
the hectic
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 schedule of parents it would be beneficial to raise teenagers in
joint
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the joint
a joint
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 family rather than in
nuclear
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the nuclear
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 family. I; have agreed with
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 opinion and I will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, in families including grandparents and other family
members
 help
children
 the importance of each other and family
members
. They learn to share and support others in their difficult times as consequence they develop social skills that are beneficial for their future.
For instance
,
children
 with better communication skills enhance their chances of success they might offer
with
Change preposition
apply
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opportunities,
otherwise
 not feasible .
Moreover
, in times of trouble financially and morally, grandparents help them and motivate them to achieve their goals.
In addition
, parents
left
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are left
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 with no time for the teenagers due to hectic schedules and work deadlines
Correct your spelling
therefore
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therefor
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therefore
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 juveniles might end up in
bad
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the bad
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 company but living in
joint
Correct article usage
a joint
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 family enable other
members
 to look after them and prevent them from any delinquencies.
On the other hand
, some people argue that
children
 become irresponsible when they are overly nurtured because grandparents fulfil their every wish as consequences they forget to appreciate.
Moreover
, they become attention
seeker
Fix the agreement mistake
seekers
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 as their every need is met in
family
Add an article
the family
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as a result
 sometimes they rudely behave with the others. In conclusion, I believe that
children
bringing
Wrong verb form
brought
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 up in the whole family teach them vital survival values
such
 as sharing and helping others in difficult situations and they
also
 get support from family
members
 too.
However
; there are some drawbacks
also
such
 as acting
responsible
Change the adjective
responsibly
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 when their every desire
met
Add a missing verb
is met
show examples
.
Submitted by Vipan bro on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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