More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening food will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #food

Nowadays, health has been becoming a top priority in many countries and obesity

Add a missing verb

is as

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

major

Add an article

a major

show examples

concern due to the lifestyle led by individuals. I completely disagree with

this

notion saying that increasing the cost of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

junk

food

is the solution to

this

issue. As there are other options

such

as creating awareness in the public would be a more effective measure. Being

Remove the article

apply

show examples

overweight has always been a major concern, especially in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

developed countries, and it has been seen that

this

issue and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fast

Add a hyphen

fast-food

show examples

food

could be more common in the elite society.

Therefore

, raising the price may not have any impact on these people. In the contrast,

this

change might have an effect on the revenue of the

food

agency.

For instance

, in the US there is a maximum proportion of obese people in the upper class, and

although

the price of

these eatable

Change the determiner

this eatable

these eatables

show examples

is not nominal, the graph has always been following an upward trend.

However

, there are other and easier measures that could be adopted by the government and school authorities. the

first

initiative that should be taken is educating the students. If

this

awareness is already created in our future

genration

Correct your spelling

generation

generations

then

there may be

drastic

Add an article

a drastic

show examples

change as it would become their

habbit

Correct your spelling

habit

, and

this

can only be done with the help of school authorities by organising boot camps and giving them the opportunities to participate in the sports. Another step can be taken by

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

for the public by arranging campaigns for educating

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

effects of obesity and free

health-checkups

Correct your spelling

health checkups

show examples

. In conclusion, I believe,

instead

of concentrating on the prices of fast

food

, the more focus should be on educating

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

about the adverse effects of being an

overwight

Correct your spelling

overweight

and

this

can be done with the help of government.

Submitted by riyaterna on Fri Oct 22 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening food will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Some employers involve employees in the decision-making process of products and services. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Million of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?