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Band 5

Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #money #source #happiness
In global ,discussions it is believed that money is the major source of happiness. In my opinion, I agree that they can bring a lot of joy as they greatly benefit both individuals and society. I will try to prove my point of view in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, I would like to state that finances are a wonderful tool for the world. Without ,them all humanity would turn into chaos because they are the fundamental instrument for basic trading and life operations. Poorer countries sell their goods to richer ones and buy food, technologies and medicines for their own populations.
For example
,
this
 happened in 2020 during
global
Add an article
a global
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 pandemic when governments were trying to get
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the vaccine
a vaccine
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vaccine
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vaccines
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 to protect nations.
Moreover
,
this
 would not
happened
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happen
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 without
global
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the global
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 financial system. Another point to consider is that we have to stop
see
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seeing
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 it as a bad thing.
This
 opinion was put into our minds through the media
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago. Money can be used in charity to help others or to build new schools for children. We should stop spreading
this
 bad mindset and start to educate our
offsprings
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offspring
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how
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on how
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 to invest them, operate and make savings to make their life more
financial
Replace the word
financially
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 stable. In the long run,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people will have
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 from these steps.
Finally
, lack of funds can
causes
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cause
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 a lot of troubles
such
 as problems with health, not sustainable future and many not educated people.
This
 will bring catastrophic
consquences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 for the whole
humanity
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of humanity
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. In conclusion, money is a good thing in total as they create the basic
relathionship
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relationship
 between individuals and countries. In my viewpoint, I believe that they can indirectly bring happiness by creating opportunities for young people and can help in the hard times.
This
 is the key to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 successful life and future.
Submitted by Yaro on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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