Many people Today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life what are the causes of the situation and what kind individuals and employers do to reduce the problem

#people #balance #demands #work #life #situation #individuals #employers

These days

work

Add a hyphen

work-life

show examples

life

balance is

such

a difficult issue

Change preposition

for

show examples

people

this

era due to the fact that the rising cost of living and

also

the atmosphere of competition at

work place

Correct your spelling

workplace

show examples

However

, we should seek a solution for

this

problem by saving more

money

and

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

relaxing

Correct article usage

a relaxing

show examples

vibe at the company.

To begin

with, there are many factors that can affect the

balace

Correct your spelling

balance

carreer

Correct your spelling

career

life

and personal

life

Accorrding

Correct your spelling

According

to the high cost of living,

people

have to earn

money

by working harder and harder, which make

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

gain more income,

consequently

, The time that will be left for their own or family is running out.

Moreover

, there is

also

the competitive

atmostphere

Correct your spelling

atmosphere

in the workplace that can ruin their work-

life

balance, the employers must do their best for the jobs to get the promotion which means the advancement

Correct your spelling

show examples

carreer

Correct your spelling

career

life

Nevertheless

, society

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to get rid of

this

problem by

encoraging

Correct your spelling

encouraging

people

to save more

money

and spend less on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unneeded

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

stuffs

Correct your spelling

stuff

show examples

This

attitude would help them to have more time

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show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

their

her

personal

life

since they would have enough

incomes

Fix the agreement mistake

income

show examples

for paying the significant bills.

Furthermore

, the employers are

also

the key factor of

solution

Add an article

the solution

a solution

show examples

, they should create a friendly environment in the company

such

as decreasing the gap between boss and employers or between the

collegues

Correct your spelling

colleagues

, which will make the tension at workplace decline, so

people

can have a more relaxing or leisure time with their family or friends. In conclusion, even we find it tough to have a nice balance between work

life

and personal

life

due to the cost of living and high competition in the company, our society can release

this

tension by

encorage

Correct your spelling

encourage

people

to save more

money

and create a relaxing

atmostphere

Correct your spelling

atmosphere

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

Submitted by 180nam.r405 on Mon Oct 25 2021

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people Today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life what are the causes of the situation and what kind individuals and employers do to reduce the problem

Fully explain your ideas

many high level of positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than fifty percent female. compnies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities .Others say that it depends on other factors . What is your opinion?