IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home
Nowadays, there are many people who argue that children no longer need to be in
school
 to
study
 because
pupils
 can achieve know-how is available through the
internet
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely disagree with
such
 a view. On the one hand, the fact that
school
 provides a wide range of benefits for
pupils
 when they
study
 at
school
 about knowledge and
also
 logical thinking based on academic subjects, With advantages
such
 as communication skills, social skills through teamwork from homework, where
pupils
 will debate together to achieve the greatest results, and ideas in class that self-
study
 at home can’t provide.
In addition
, as you know, not only in their lives but
also
 in their
study
 environment, the competitive factor is an issue to promote human striving.
Therefore
,
pupils
 should
study
 with peers at
school
 as it is the best choice to achieve their goals.
Moreover
, the more people use the
internet
, the more their health will be affected in terms of their eyes and arthropathy when they are still young.
On the other hand
, the
internet
 still helps
pupils
 to expand their knowledge. In reality, when
pupils
study
 online, they will be able to get and observe more perspectives from other sources and will be more rapid in updating trends to adapt to a more developed life.
However
, the wealth of information to learn about is not simply available on the
internet
. Machines can’t understand humans. Thanks to professors' help,
pupils
 will understand their strengths and weaknesses so that they can remedy mistakes in the classroom.
In addition
, it’s practically impossible to completely guarantee the accuracy of the machine in terms of lesson results.
As a result
,
pupils
' learning and acquisition processes are accelerated and deepened in both knowledge and skills
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
study
 at
school
. In conclusion,
although
 they choose the way to home-schooling on the network for their insight, it can’t be totally relied on.
Therefore
, studying at
school
 is a very necessary way of education for students.
Submitted by inapptrial1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: